Tuesday, November 11, 2008

3rd Time is a Charm

So, Halloween, I broke it off with a guy I'd been seeing. I was hoping to never hear from him, but I have a constant reminder in the form of a steak knife in the dishwasher, left over from a camping trip. Last night I was woken up 3 times by text messages from this guy. 1st about how wonderful I am, he's sorry, wishing me well. 2nd reassuring me he wasn't suicidal, after i forgave him and asked if he was suicidal 3rd asking me to watch a movie. I only responded to the first 2, but I'd like to get rid of the steak knife. If it was his I'd just throw it out, but it belongs to his sister in law.
My boss just wants me to be sure I don't go back to this guy.
The reason for breaking it off doesn't matter, but after I did, I was relieved to have a reason to end it with him, because the more I thought about it, the more he was not the man I wanted to spend my life with, or my time. I shouldn't be afraid to do that sooner in the future. In retrospect, I should have been willing to do that with Brian without looking back when he didn't take me to the doctor when I had a horrible infection and surgery 2 months after we started dating. I didn't because I had just been laid off. But that should have been a clue he wasn't what I wanted. And that should be a constant reminder that I'm better off without him.
I tell myself the thing that really bothers me is that he traded down shortly after we ended things, for a grungy emo divorced baby mama, who, when I saw her last summer, at the time they started dating, looked 6 months pregnant. If it was his child, he cheated on me. If it wasn't why would you date a pregnant woman? If she wasn't pregnant, why did she look that way?
In the beginning of 2008 I thought this year had to be better than 2007, but I think I was wrong, very wrong. I'm not even attempting dating a 3rd man within this year, and if I do I'm not going to be afraid to walk away if I think it's in my best interest.

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