Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I'm not ready.

So I'm not as confident about approaching the object of my interest as I thought I was. It's personal. It's okay. I was driving today, or yesterday, and I realized the only standards I could think of were he shouldn't do drugs or hit me. Wow. I have more, I remember my co-worker & I built a large list of standards. Two white boards full of standards. See?
In case you can't see, I'll spell it out for you, as best I can. These are deal breakers, unless otherwise noted as a "must have":

  1. Owns a cowboy hat.
  2. Wears a hat during meals.
  3. Grammer similar to the cast of "Axeman" or "American Loggers" or any similar show. *Deadliest Catch excluded.
  4. A lisp.
  5. Resemblance to a star of a sci-fi flick. I'm told this character "Jabba the Hut" isn't attractive.
  6. Back Hair.
  7. Kisses men.
  8. Wears overalls.
  9. Facial or below the belt piercings.
  10. Owns a confederate flag.
  11. LARPGer
  12. Owns/wears anything from "Ed Hardy" or screen printed with an eagle/Native American theme/wilderness/bears/wolves.
  13. Considers self to be a country/western musician or has the potential to "make it big"
  14. Has hair longer than mine, wears a ponytail or braids.
  15. Texts with "LOL" frequently.
  16. Thinks it's his God given right to procreate, a lot, because he has a superior lineage.
  17. Thinks the LDS church might be on to something.
  18. Doesn't believe evolution is possible, asks to see the live dinosaurs in museums.
  19. Has more tattoos & piercings than IQ points.
  20. He needs to understand that Vanilla Ice is a Douche & Queen will forever rock, and be able to name the lead singer of Queen
  21. Has a mullet.
  22. FuManchu. Nuff said.
  23. Can't spend his weekends in the bed of a pick-up hanging out with teenagers at Holland State Park.
  24. Must know the difference between their/there/they're. (They're walking their dogs over there.)

So obviously, my standards aren't always high, reasonable, or non-negotiable. Sometimes it's just good to remind myself I have them.

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