Saturday, July 10, 2010

You Hate Me

It's okay, sometimes I hate myself too. Usually it's right about the time I open my mouth. OOOOOOOOOoooo. I hate opening my mouth. It's my fear of the awkward silence that provokes me to tell myself "just one sentence won't hurt."  Then I need to follow up with an explanatory sentence so you understand what I'm trying to say.

No really, tell me anything. Tell me how you believe your life sucks, how you were, what you want to do, what you wish was different, how you want to be different.
I can't help it, I'm going to say:
Really? Why do you say that?
What changed?
Why don't you? What's holding you back?
I think you can make it happen.  What steps do you need to take to achieve that?
Well what do you think your qualities are? Use those to highlight yourself.
Then we end up chatting for 45 minutes.  I listen.  I'm your own personal F*R*I*C*K*E*N cheerleader.  Because I can't help but love you.  Really.  Because deep down, life is so good.  It can be.  Because happiness is a choice.  Even if that choice is taking a pill to be able to see the good and let go of the not good.  Life is a choice to wake up everyday and brew your cup of coffee and stride confidently into the world knowing your fly is zipped. 

Me?  I wake up everyday with a plan.  Some days I put that plan into action. Other days I shelve it or scrap it completely.  That's my prerogative.  At least once a week I love to run around without pants on.  Sounds delightful doesn't it?  Today, in 4 hours, I'm going to wake up, clean my studio, make myself pretty, go hit on the shopkeeper, then go to the library and borrow Walden, head to the beach with thermos of wine, and turn my back on the rest of the world.  Or I won't. 

I have to make the choice everyday to enjoy life.  Or else I would waste my energy on being miserable.  That's a party no one wants to go to.  So I can't help it when you dangle that worm of misery in front of me.  I bite.  Because deep down in my heart I want to reach out to you, hoping you'll catch on to my little secret.

Life is so good.

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