5 years is enough.
In the middle of formulating my New Year's Resolution it became very obvious I'm not completely happy. Following through on Resolutions 1 & 2 isn't going to be the key to happiness, but they are going to remove some of the barriers I've put in the way of achieving happiness: healthy body and financial freedom. The third resolution has to do with the fact I'm approaching thirty, am unmarried, maybe want children, and live 1000 odd mile from my family. Around the holidays I spend more time on the phone with my family, lamenting the fact I'm not with them. More so this year, because I'm not chasing a career or spending it with a man I had hoped to build a family with.
I was home twice this year, once for Sister T's wedding shower, and then for her wedding. Sister T's pretty self sufficient, and has never really needed me for much, and as a result, I feel closer to Sister J, but love each one equally, and would willing shell out any necessary body part for either. Sister J and I spend more time on the phone together, and as we were talking these past months it occured to me one reason I would drop everything in Oregon to move back to Michigan would be for a niece or nephew from either of my sisters, especially if there was any complications.
This got me thinking, and at this point there isn't a whole lot holding me here other than my own stubbornness. I started working in Oregon on April Fool's Day of 2005, and as my 3rd and final resolution, if circumstances don't change by April Fool's Day of 2010, I'm going to set out looking for a job in Michigan, preferably somewhere where I can live in a rent to own cabin near a small town to become as my sister describes it, CRAZY AUNT KATIE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to spend 2009 moping around, waiting to leave, or whooping it up as though it was my last night in town. I'm planning to continue with school, photography, statistics*, basic design and independant study, and looking at Oregon State, trying to get a scholarship. I'm going to try to put some structure into my position at work, and some format and class into the programs. I'm going to be braver about meeting new people and going new places, and dancing in public. Well, maybe 2/3 of that last part.
In March of 2010 I may look back at this and shake my head, and pack up everything in a U Haul, and make my 6th trip across this great nation. If I do, hopefully I can visit some ghost towns in N. Dakota along the way.
*Statistics, what the hell does an artist need statistics for? It occured to me when I wrote this post, 4 days before it was posted to the blog, that at this time 2 years ago I wanted to become a surveyor on commercial fishing vessels, and statistics was the one course I was miss to be eligable to train for this position. That dream fell to the wayside as I became involved with a man, but it feels good to realize that dream is still a possibility.
Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of life! -Burton Hills