To this day I firmly believe it is not okay to wear sweatpants outside of the house after the age of 24 or giving birth. Or if you're a man who doesn't plan to live in your mom's basement all your life. NO SWEATPANTS IN PUBLIC.
Truth? I wear sweatpants outside the house.
Readers, I have my reasons.
- I leave for work at 5:30 AM
- The first thing I do at work is take a shower for biosecurity purposes.
- The last thing I do at work is take a shower.
- 50% of the time I'm headed to my other job where I will change into my uniform.
- 40% of the time I'm headed home to get dressed in pretty clothes to go out or to change into "studio clothes to work on a project that is messy.
The problem is in the other 10% of the time when I might run an errand after work.
So I have rules.
The rules for sweatpants outside the house are as follows.
- Sweatpants must be black.
- Sweatpants must be clean.
- Track pants and basketball shorts are not sweatpants and should never be worn in public. Even if you're a pimp or multi-platinum rap artist or professional basketball player off the court.
- Active pants (yoga pants) fall into the same category as sweatparnts.
- Sweatpants must have a flat hem. No elastic or cutoff or walked off bottoms.
- Sweatpants must be accompanied by appropriate footwear. No flip-flops in winter or house slippers.
- Sweatpants must be worn with an appropriate sized top. No oversized sweatshirts or undersized tank tops.
- All mid-riff skin must be concealed, even when bending over to fetch the super size of cat litter or less popular flavors of Ben & Jerry's.
- No whale tail's. EVER.
- No panty lines
- No camel toes.
- You hair must be neat and presentable, not look like you just rolled out of bed.
- The only, only, ONLY exception to these rules is if you just busted your ass at the gym. If you're sweaty & disheveled because you just hit the gym and hit it hard, go ahead, walk around tall and proud in your nasty stinky sweats and show all the meth-headed-making-babies-for-the-state-check people what sweatpants were made for.
Lazy is never an excuse to wear sweatpants in public.