Thursday, March 29, 2012

You Deserve Better Than That

Ladies, you deserve better than that. Really. If you are currently single, write down your standards. Rank them in order of importance. Things like 'Must not molest children' should be high on your list. Please rule out men and women who are abusive of animals .
Some of the standards won't make the list until you've had a couple run ins with the wrong type of partner.
My list of standards includes a few very specific gems:

I will not date men who play video games. Won't do it.
I will not date men who are not discriminating in their social media output. If you repost, retweet, and approve of everything, I can't trust your judgement, because you fail to filter the crap.
I will not date men who get drunk by themselves for lack initiative then complain how they never have time to work towards their dreams. Or worse, I will not date men without dreams and goals of some sort. It's really boring. Alongside men who claim they are outdoorsy and adventurous, until it's time to go adventuring outside. If I, the girl who really only enjoys sports that can be played beer in hand, think your a lazy pussy, well, you're a lazy pussy. Beer in hand or not, at least I'm playing.

Please, don't ever wonder why I'm single. It's because I haven't properly devoted myself to loving the future husband Jesus has chosen for me.

The latest standard added to this list is 'I will not date men with filthy restrooms.'
Please, stop laughing.
Imagine you go out to dinner and have a lovely evening. You're not ready to call it a night so your date suggests kicking back for a movie and snuggling. Sounds good until you arrive at his place and excuse yourself to touch up your make up.
You enter his restroom and there you struggle to overcome the urge to vomit, because you don't want to have to touch the handle on the toilet to flush it down. If his restroom leaves you scrambling for latex gloves and disinfectant spray, he apparently doesn't respect you, or himself.  I don't want to go into specifics, but know this, attractively bearded, tall and handsome, employed, childless man, I don't care how amazing you are, if your restroom is disgusting, it's over. I can't handle it.
*Shuddering in recollection of past dates*
It takes so little effort to clean a restroom, 15 minutes, 1 time each week for maintenance, that I judge you right off that bat if you can't do this one little thing correctly. Especially if it is within the first 6 months of dating, you should be bringing at least your B+ game when it comes to hygiene and cleanliness.

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